we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
