I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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