you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
