so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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