don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
