shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
