My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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