oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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