Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
