I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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