My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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