So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
