He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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