You just made me feel so damn special
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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