help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
