when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
