He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
