The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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