I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
