I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
