1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
