how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
