Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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