I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
