Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
