Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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