I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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