Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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