Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
