Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
