You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
