bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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