okay pat passed out under dana's car
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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