smell my finger.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
