i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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