I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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