Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
