Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
