you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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