i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
