Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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