need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
