Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
