I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
