the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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