I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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