My first STD was from a foam party
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
