well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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