Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
