Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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