let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
