so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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