oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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