I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
