He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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