She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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