I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
