...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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