I want to have your abortion
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
