He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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